Just Dating

Christine: When I was dating in my 40’s and early 50’s I was only interested in dating. Sometimes I dated someone for months because they would continue to ask me out. Often we were both dating other people. Sometimes we were only dating each other.

Some of the reasons I consciously knew I wanted to just date were:

  • I was busy running a very demanding business and I didn’t feel I had time to devote to a husband.
  • I liked my alone time in between the time I spent with them.
  • I liked living in my own home.

The unconscious reason I discovered later that I wanted to just date was:

  • I knew I would marry someone like my first husband and I definitely didn’t want to marry someone like that again.
  • I didn’t know how to not marry someone like my first husband.

Joel: This may be a difference of language and definition, but I would not call this “dating,” which implies some aspect of romance. I would call this “going out with friends” which serves a purpose beyond social as you point out. You’re having fun, learning, etc. It’s interesting that you say you “didn’t have time to devote to a husband.” That suggests something less than marriage but more than friendship. I just found I couldn’t experience a woman that I really liked without developing romantic and sexual feelings.

Good luck to those who can make this work.

It’s important that you defined your goals for limited relationships. Did you ever meet men who went away after you explained your point of view?