Joel: I know, I know, “shop for women” is… off putting. But that’s the best term I can think of. (Your suggestions welcome.) Point being… I look for certain things and I suspect most men do. Crafting your online profile so it creates appeal for the REAL you is one element that will help you succeed.
For me, a major factor is cheerfulness. Does her text and photos convey a happy person? That certainly includes smiling photos. I remember a few that actually looked like the woman was scowling, even angry. I wondered why she posted it.
I also look for women who have pictures of themselves in ordinary situations, without makeup, in casual clothes, exercise clothes (yoga pants welcome!), gardening…. whatever. I conclude a woman who posts unbeautiful pictures has confidence and is happy with herself. What will you post to convey that about yourself?
Christine: I think shopping is the perfect term! In fact, I’ve often said to female clients: Think about looking for and interviewing potential dates (especially when using online dating) as “shopping for men”.
And here’s why:
- Shopping is often a pleasurable activity for women.
- Shopping often feels leisurely and calm.
- Shopping means we have lots of choices.
- Shopping includes trying out a variety of options so we can compare and contrast to see exactly how we feel about each one.
- And finally, each of these elements is a good way to bring our authentic selves along (which is essential for successful dating).
Sometimes when we go shopping, we have a clear idea of what we’re looking for. However, we may need to “try things on” to help us decide what we really want. Dating is no different. Just like shopping, you can start out with a list of what you think you’d like and then make adjustments as you “try out options”.
If you can start to look at dating this way, your attitude is likely to be much more relaxed. Many women tell me that dating is “too much work”. In contrast, many women say they enjoy shopping and don’t consider it work.
So, with a slight shift of attitude, shopping for men just might become a fun and interesting activity for you.