List what you want from your loving partner

Joel: In response to a Facebook Friend who posted a list of attributes of a “Gentleman,” I posted this –
Glad to see this issue raised. I once listened to a woman in a singles group as she listed the (fairy tale) attributes of her ideal man.
When she finished, I asked, OK, so what do you bring to the table for him? After a long, long silence, she said, “Respect. I will respect him.”
To which I said, “Sorry, can’t use that. What behaviors and specific acts will you engage in to DEMONSTRATE your love; i.e., the kinds of things you listed that you know you want him to actually do for you, e.g. open the car door, etc.” (Please respond and you get extra points if you can use i.e. and e.g. in the same sentence, correctly!)

This is especially important for women looking for a mate so they can define limits and understand love is a two-way street, give and take, and, at best, giving more than you take… If you have a list of things you want from a man, put beside each item what you will actually DO for him to reciprocate.

Mind you, I like lists of things a woman wants. I have been and remain not naturally or instinctively sensitive in these matters. A woman I should have loved once, after a major fail, gave me a list she called “Minimum Expectations For Valentine’s Day.”

The next year I delivered. So… lists are good, just make sure you understand reciprocity.

If you don’t get this concept, check out “The Five Love Languages.”


2 thoughts on “List what you want from your loving partner

  1. I could add some things that I like to do for my special man.
    1. Have a nice dinner waiting for him when he walks through the door after a long day.
    2. Drawing a warm bath infused with lavender for him to relax in.
    3. Making sure I look my best for him and take care of myself.
    4. Be waiting to surprise him when he walks through the door at night ~ me wearing a sexy outfit or just an apron and holding a glass of wine or other libation for him.
    5. Giving him a nice long massage in a candle lit room.
    6. Offering my help in any way that I can to make his day easier or better.
    7. Being interested in the things that he loves and learning more about them.
    8. Keeping a clean house.
    9. Making sure his clothes are washed and ready to wear.

    I know the last two, a man can and should help with as well.

  2. Yes, Joel Blackwell, I am very familiar with this book.
    1. receiving gifts (giving gifts),
    2. quality time,
    3. words of affirmation,
    4. acts of service (devotion),
    5. physical touch
    Unfortunately, the man that introduced me to this book fell short on all of these attributes, while I showered him with all of them. Because I wanted to. I definitely gave more than I took. That’s what you do when you love. I found out the hard way that you can’t make someone love you back, no matter how hard you try. It has to be mutual and sacred to both.

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