My message today isn’t about New Year’s resolutions. It’s about truly focusing on what would make you happy and then taking small steps each day toward that happiness.
I believe people can make a list that will guide them towards this goal. If you’re not sure how to begin your list, I’ve included some ideas below that have worked well for my clients (and for me).
First of all, here are the top three traits women look for in a man: honesty, reliability, and his ability to communicate. In addition to these you might consider:
I can “be myself” when I’m with him.
I like how I feel when I’m around him.
He makes it obvious that my happiness and well-being are important to him.
He knows the difference between conversations and confrontations.
He is willing to make compromises.
He is warm and loving.
He makes me laugh.
He likes including me in other parts of his life.
Which of these “jump out” for you? If you get stuck making your list, ask a close friend to help – someone who knows your strengths and weaknesses well. Let the list be a “living” thing. Pull it out often to see if it still fits.
You’re on your way to proactively creating happiness for yourself in the New Year. If you’d like to share your list with us, we’d love to see it!
Your ex got custody of the “friends” you shared when you were together?
You want to do something different this season?
Are you feeling jolly or humbug about the holidays? Being single during December can pose challenges that you don’t have to think about during other times in the year. People who are newly single may struggle as they try to figure out what to do when there isn’t a built-in place to go for the holidays.
I was single a long time between my two marriages, so I needed to keep coming up with activities to keep the holiday doldrums away. I found that being proactive not only guaranteed I’d have something to do, it also gave me something to look forward to. During these times, I found a variety of things helpful, such as:
Find other singles who don’t have holiday plans, and ask them to invite their singles friends, too. Perhaps you could have a potluck dinner and movie. How about watching White Christmas?
Organize a caroling event in your neighborhood.
Visit neighborhood lights. Your local newspaper or city hall will list those neighborhoods who pull out all the stops in holiday decorating. You can go alone or assemble a group of friends and drive (or walk) through these streets. The neighborhoods often have music playing and some even hand out cookies and candy canes – your evening can become quite festive!
Attend services at your local house of worship on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
Visit the animals at your local shelter. It gives attention and love to the animals, and your heart will be filled with warmth and happiness through this connection.
Give back to the community:
Many charities (fire and police department, scouting organizations, churches, etc.) ask for gift donations for children. They need volunteers to sort and wrap these.
Soup kitchens always need volunteers. In my area, the kitchens are closed on Christmas Day, but need volunteers before and after Christmas Day.
Hospital visits can be heartwarming – for both the patients and yourself. I have a friend who does this on a regular basis. Once a month she puts glitter on her face, grabs her magic wand and a bag of goodies (hairbands, friendship bracelets, matchbox cars, etc.) and goes to the children’s hospital to bring cheer to sick children.
What treasure is out there, just waiting to bring you warmth and fulfillment this holiday season? Let us know what you discover… we’d love to hear your stories!
As I peruse online dating profiles some things women say puzzle me. Like one profile for a very appealing woman says “I love life.”
Granted I’ve been accused of being too much in my head which I finally figured out means I analyze too much. Maybe I should just skip this sentence “I love life.”
But I can’t. Who doesn’t love living, considering the alternative…
I guess this woman is saying she’s happy which to me is very important. Does she look happy in her photos? This one definitely does. She’s smiling and in happy situations. Very appealing.
I like her. Maybe it’ because she loves life.
Joel: In response to a Facebook Friend who posted a list of attributes of a “Gentleman,” I posted this –
Glad to see this issue raised. I once listened to a woman in a singles group as she listed the (fairy tale) attributes of her ideal man.
When she finished, I asked, OK, so what do you bring to the table for him? After a long, long silence, she said, “Respect. I will respect him.”
To which I said, “Sorry, can’t use that. What behaviors and specific acts will you engage in to DEMONSTRATE your love; i.e., the kinds of things you listed that you know you want him to actually do for you, e.g. open the car door, etc.” (Please respond and you get extra points if you can use i.e. and e.g. in the same sentence, correctly!)
This is especially important for women looking for a mate so they can define limits and understand love is a two-way street, give and take, and, at best, giving more than you take… If you have a list of things you want from a man, put beside each item what you will actually DO for him to reciprocate.
Mind you, I like lists of things a woman wants. I have been and remain not naturally or instinctively sensitive in these matters. A woman I should have loved once, after a major fail, gave me a list she called “Minimum Expectations For Valentine’s Day.”
The next year I delivered. So… lists are good, just make sure you understand reciprocity.
If you don’t get this concept, check out “The Five Love Languages.”