How to attract a man…

Joel: Doing things you like in places you like is a good way to find a compatible partner. I would be attracted to a woman reading a book if she looked around from time to time so that I could catch her eye… if you like books and want to attract men who do, maybe coffee in a bookstore will screen in the right kind… worst case, you finish a good book…

Christine: Such great advice Joel for a single person to go to places where they like the activities. I often suggest joining a specific meet-up walking/hiking group in the local area to many of the singles I work with. These groups usually have about the same number of men and women (unusual and very good for a singles outing). Also, there are usually a variety of “skill” levels. And one of the lovely things the women have found is no matter how fast or slow they walk there are usually one or two men who will set their pace to walk with them. Benefits – good practice talking to new men, potential to meet a new woman friend to go places with, and great exercise. There’s often a potluck meal after the walk/hike so more time for interesting conversation.

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How can you know if the man you’re dating is telling the truth?

Joel: Accept what they say at face value until it matters.

For example: He says he has a job. He says he is single.

These only matter when you think you see possibilities and want to continue deepening the relationship.

You can say something like “I read a lot about men who meet women online and they aren’t what they seem. I’d like to pick you up where you live and get tour of your house before our next date.”

Anything other than yes is a warning sign. Could be lots of things including a wife or hoarding.

In that same conversation you could say, what is the name of the company you work for and where is your workplace? Who can I call to confirm you actually work there?

When you get this information, look up the company online and call the posted number and ask for your prospect. Then call back and ask for the other names. There may be some other ways, but you don’t want to date someone more than three times only to find they live under a bridge.

In response, your man may ask for you to verify your information. Tell him if all is as it seems, you will do that, but the risk for women is greater so this has to be done in order.

If he’s not willing, terminate.

Christine: Pay attention to your instincts. You know… that feeling in your stomach that says something like:

  • Nervous danger. “Something isn’t right.”
  • “I’m concerned.”
  • “I just have a feeling.”
  • “Stop now; do not pass go.”

The two biggest reasons we don’t pay attention to our instincts are:

  1. Chemistry. If we feel a huge amount of chemistry in the beginning we ignore our instincts.
  2. Past history. We didn’t pay attention to our instincts in the past and went out with people who weren’t right for us, then inaccurately blamed what happened on our instincts.

Take a moment and think back to your past dates/relationships that turned out badly. I think you’ll see your true instincts tried to warn you. They were actually accurate.

Your instinct is a superpower. Use it.

Send your questions as an email or comment now.

Christine and Joel on dating for singles over 50

christineframe-bWe’re veterans in the world of dating and mating in midlife. Our goal is to help you navigate a safe and sensible path through the minefields of singlehood and find a loving partner.

Christine has been a relationship coach for over 8 years. She was single for 20 years and exactly where you are now, wishing you could meet someone special. After a few failures, she created a process that helped her attract the type of men she wanted and this led her to meet and marry the man of her dreams. Now, as a widow, she finds herself continuing to grow through beautiful memories along with periods of grief. As she coaches her clients, she’s beginning to wonder about future dating and what it might look like this time.joelportrait1-sm

Joel was married for 27 years and has two adult children and one grandchild. He stumbled and wandered through the minefields of dating for 12 years accumulating volumes of wisdom from trial and error. He’s writing a book about these experiences which he’s confident will be a bestseller, if ever finishes it.

We’d love to get your questions, observations and experiences in hopes of helping others avoid mistakes and succeed in their quest for love. We’ll offer our thoughts with the caveat that everyone has to find their own path and make their own decisions.